Some Remarkable B&B Guests Leave Us With, ahem, Indelible Memories (Isn’t Today April Fool’s Day?)

This guest blog comes from Laurel Parrott of The Kalamazoo House B&B,
a member of Michigan Lake to Lake Bed and Breakfast Association.

What’s practically the first thing an innkeeper does when bed and breakfast guests depart? Check the guestbook to see what they wrote, of course!

At the Kalamazoo House Bed and Breakfast in downtown Kalamazoo, where we have guest journals in each of our nine rooms, the housekeeping staff members make sure I see the most noteworthy comments. The notes are gratifying to read…. usually.

Guestroom #6

Room #6

But imagine the sinking feeling when my husband Terry and I returned recently from a rare weekend away to find our professional innsitting couple standing there with somber looks on their faces and the journal from Room #6 in an outstretched hand.

We didn’t even take off our coats before we began to read…

Dear Terry and Laurel,

Sorry to have missed meeting you and hope you enjoyed your holiday.  We also missed out on Kalamazoo House’s signature breakfast, but under the circumstances, a 5:00 am departure seems prudent.

We did have a lovely dinner downtown last night and, it being our anniversary, enjoyed several bottles of a fine Pinot Noir.  We met some delightful people in a local pub who agreed to accompany us back to Kalamazoo House for a nightcap.  Who knew that they would prove to be so difficult to get rid of once they discovered your wine and beer pantry?  Or that they would invite friends over!

I warned them about the no smoking policy to no avail.  I think the cigar burn on the credenza can be touched up with a crayon, but the cigarette burns in the carpet in the dining room pose an altogether different problem.

I’m not sure who started the game of strip poker, but that’s when Mildred and I decided to retire to our lovely room.  The excitement and the rich food at dinner were a bit much for Mildred, and she experienced some considerable gastric distress.  Well, the toilet got clogged and overflowed.

The shut-off valve did not work, so I hurried down to the basement and shut off the main water supply.  The system is quite old and the handle snapped off.  Hopefully you can find a plumber on Sunday but sadly, probably not in time for the guests to have running water this morning.

We managed to mop up most of the water in the bathroom using towels and the bed linens, and only as a last resort, the draperies.  I expect that any water damage to the ceiling downstairs will be covered by your insurance.  The bedroom carpet should dry out by itself.  We set the thermostat to 85 to assist in this.

Hope to visit you again next year.  You have a wonderful home.

Sincerely,
Rev. and Mrs. Percy Molesworth

PS — The cookies were marvelous!

By the time we got to the bit about the draperies, our innsitters could no longer hide their grins, and we realized our guests had perpetrated the perfect early April Fool’s prank, which we share with you now.

Naturally, I responded to The Rev. and Mrs. Molesworth in the manner of any self-respecting innkeeper: I sent them a bill.  The itemized charges included:

Plumber to unclog the toilet and repair the shut-off valve   $ 600.00 Plumber’s Sunday surcharge   $1500.00
Replacement towels & bed linens  $ 850.00
Dry cleaning of the draperies   $ 35.00
New draperies (the dry cleaning didn’t work)  $ 475.00
3 gallons of Febreeze  $ 18.00
Replenishment of owner’s private liquor cabinet   $ 180.00
New lock for owner’s private liquor cabinet  $ 35.00
New security camera for owner’s private liquor cabinet  $ 275.00
Brown crayon   $  2.85
TOTAL:   $ 3,970.85

I added, “We are delighted to hear that you are already trying to decide when you’ll be able to return next Spring.  It means the world to us when guests have such a good time that they want to come back. Unfortunately, I’m afraid we’re already all booked up that weekend!”

Laurel and Terry Parrott have owned and operated The Kalamazoo House Bed and Breakfast since 2007. They say that The Rev. and Mrs. Molesworth are the most memorable guests they never met and, thanks to their clever journal entry, they are a continuing source of lively breakfast conversation initiated by guests in Room #6.

Michigan Lake to Lake Bed and Breakfast Association is comprised of at least a couple hundred innkeepers, each with a great sense of humor. Visit one soon.  And be sure to leave a memory in the guestbook!

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10 Responses to “Some Remarkable B&B Guests Leave Us With, ahem, Indelible Memories (Isn’t Today April Fool’s Day?)”

  1. Judy says:

    Adorable, I love the journal entry so much. I’ll be smiling and chuckling to myself for days. Your B & B looks Grand. Thanks for the Great Read.
    Blessings

  2. jill ristine says:

    At least the was not a bunny and a chainsaw.

  3. Judy, I’ve been chuckling for a couple of weeks now, so I know what you mean. Glad you enjoyed it.

    Jill—I’ve been thinking of the great bunny/chainsaw incident myself today…. (and I’d like to make a disclaimer that no animal was harmed in the perpetration of that particular April Fool’s silliness).

  4. Cathy says:

    I want to know – did they protest the bill? Thanks for a delightful tale.

  5. Cathy–Not yet…but let’s just say I’m not sure it’s over yet!

  6. At our place, the closest thing we’ve got to a guestbook prank was from a couple who wrote a non sequitur that left us scratching our heads. They wrote: “The previous guests stole all the towels!!!!” The next guests played along. They wrote: “We had a marvelous time after we replaced all the towels.”

  7. Hey, that’s “our” room again! 🙂

    I usually look through a room’s guest book when I stay somewhere that has one. I don’t think I’ve ever found something quite as funny as the good Rev. Molesworth’s story, though.

  8. Kay Schmid says:

    Laurel,

    The Rev and his wife surely had a grand time composing that letter! Thanks for the chuckle.

    Kay

  9. Innkeeper Ian says:

    Another April Fools day funny

    1st April 2011

    Dear Ian, Ann and Michelle,

    Thank you for your reservation request. We have implemented a new self-evaluation reservation system to serve you better. In response to demands for a more politically correct request process you can now pre-approve yourself by checking the items on the following list. If any are applicable to you then we regret that your reservation request will be declined.

    · You asked “Are you in the Butchart Gardens?”
    · We can not read a map
    · You thought our “front desk” was open 24/7
    · We fully fill the double tubs pm then have a shower am. We keep the heat on
    · We may or may not appear on time for breakfast
    · We are two elderly sisters driving in Canada for the first time
    · We are “allergic” to two or more items
    · We are not aware that Vancouver Island is an island
    · You asked “Should we bring bedding and towels?”
    · You said “I have a problem … I live in Idaho”
    · We will spend one night in Victoria and four in Tofino
    · We expect everything to be charged in US dollars
    · We have no idea what the exchange rate is
    · You will want tomato ketchup with breakfast
    · You expect air conditioning
    · We will check-in whenever it suits us

    Please note that we charge $30 per hour waiting for late check-ins after the agreed check-in time.

    Thank you for your response. Since you checked one or more of the above categories we regret that we are unable to accept your reservation. Since we can not assist you it gives us pleasure to refer you to other fine bed and breakfasts at http://www.victoriafinest.bc.ca who may be pleased to welcome you instead.

  10. Deanna says:

    My oh my! You sound like my kind of place to stay. I do love fellow innkeepers with a sense of humor. All the best to you and your “lovely” guests! 🙂 – Rev. Deanna Morauski (Yes, for real)


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